YOUR.JULIET - The Lovesong Writer, v1

I seriously have no idea how am I going to accept this fact, I seriously have no idea of how am I going to face you the next time and I seriously have no idea why I fall in love with you. Whatever I heard from someone, nomatter I think its true or not, I tell myself its okay, its nothing and I even go to that extend to convince myself IT'S NORMAL! People must be thinking theres something wrong with my mind. I guess so too. Until now, I'm still trying to convince myself its not real, I'm thinking too much. But the fact is..I don't know. How I hope you can tell me what really happen but I seriously have no courage to face it. The always nice, sensible and thoughtful guy had became a...what? Disgusting guy? I've no idea. Seriously.

No facebook for me anymore.. I don't want to see/read anymore facts that I don't want to face it.

Tell me ITS NOT TRUE, I'LL BELIEVE YOU!

I spent my whole day thinking.

Girls are like apples on trees. the best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys dont want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they get the rotten apples from the ground that arent as good, but easy. So the apples up top think something wrong with them when in reality they're amazing. they just have have to wait for the right boy to come along , the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree .

I spent my whole day thinking.

We cried our hearts out. We're not acting, we're not exaggerating. All those feelings and tears came deep from our heart. My heart still coudn't accept the fact, the fact that she's gone forever. I'm so used to her existence but she's gone now. Everything was expected but then too sudden. I thought I still have time but I don't have it anymore. Words can't express my thoughts, my feeling and my love for her.

原谅我不懂得珍惜,原谅我不懂得表达.

I'm sick and tired of holding on to this never ending complicating feeling. I've no idea what to do. Tell me!

I spent my whole day thinking.

She had a heart of gold, but unfortunately it had stopped beating. I rushed to the hospital but I was too late. Why did you go so fast? Don't you want to see more of us before you leave? She never need to speak, we know how much she love and care for us. She treated everyone like her own child, even if they're just a friend of hers. Her generous and pure heart, her love and care is what I'll never forget. She show me what money can't buy, she proved me she's someone worth respecting, I simply love her. I really love her! I really! How I hope I can hold you once more, how I hope I can speak to you eventhough my hokkien suck. Why are you so noble, so nice that make me really miss you? No one is going to remind us to eat anymore, I can't tell you my results anymore. I want you to ask me whats my rank in school again. I know its stupid but I really hope you can come back, come back to a few years ago, when you're more healthy, when you are still there, sitting there, watching us, talking to us, cook for us. How are we going to spend our saturday!? Why didn't I cherish you?

Rest in peace, don't worry about us anymore, I swear I love you, deep from my heart.

I spent my whole day thinking.

I'm glad he finally replied me, I glad he's doing ok, I'm glad I haven't lost him and I'm bless to have him as a friend. The one who always console me althought he's not sure how to, the one who will always teaches me despite of my never ending question and poor memory, the one who will never reject me whenever I ask for help and the one who never ask for any return. He once told me, just by knowing me this friend, leave his life with no regrets, I think I'm should be the one saying that. Thanks for everything, I love you, my best guy friend. :)

*Things around me seems to be getting bad. Problems are coming in and out, bugging me non- stop. Hope things will get better soon. Remember someone told me this, "maybe because god knows you can take all this so it all happens to you". I wonder its who, I seriously can't remember but it really sounds...motivating? Haha!

PS: Please don't take her away, I really love her.

I spent my whole day thinking.

You took me away with you~

I spent my whole day thinking.

Work time seems to become my reflecting time nowadays. I've thought a lot recently, as in, really a lot. When I was working today, I saw this two kids, Joshua and Jazz. I've deep impression in them because probably the friendship and care I saw between them was what I always wanted. I wonder what will happen to them when they grow older, will they get drifted or even closer? Lets hope they'll get even closer. :) Why didn't I had such childhood friend?

I've started to move on. Mandy is right, without him, without talking to him, nothing is changing in my life. Or should I say..my life is getting better? I still do think, I still do care that a bit, but my feeling tells me its different this time. I don't miss him because I miss him anymore, sometimes I just force myself to remember him to prevent myself from falling into another trap. He's a great lesson to me, no one had taught me that much by hurting me.

A friend of mine told me this, "If those who are important to you shows you that you're not important to them, they don't worth you to tresure them."

He's now different post from us, although I know you're still you but still..something is different. We can't play together anymore. Not because we don't want to but you are in a difficult position if you do that.

I spent my whole day thinking.

Despite remembering everybody's, always remembering theirs in mind, I still feel that mine is never remembered. I feel simply forgotten and not being important. I don't know whether is this kind of feeling right, am I over sensitive because that might be only what I'm thinking.

I spent my whole day thinking.

Prom Night!

Brion.

Geraldine and Kenny.

Prissy!

I forgot his name. Haha!

Jereld!

Melvin

Geraldine.

Ling Yee.

Geraldine and Mrs Rajan

Jasmine and Geraldine.

Felicia!

Geraldine and Felicia.

Nadine and Geraldine.

I spent my whole day thinking.

他说过他喜欢我，他说过他在乎我。但他并没有，他最擅长的是伤害我，敷衍我，欺骗我。在你眼里我永远是那什么都不懂的小妹妹。但你从来不知道你那所谓的小妹妹为你改变了多少。和你趁经说过，做过的事情我一个也没忘过。不是应为它们是多么的难忘，多么快乐，而是应为它们对我是多么的珍贵。你一定觉得我是个白痴，为了你我应该真的是。但现在就让我和你的回忆就停在这里吧。在多下去也没意义。。
我从来没说过，但我最大的愿望只是跟你两个人走一段路就够了。
我坚持，努力了那么久，这次让我洒脱我放下吧。

I spent my whole day thinking.

The only reason I'm still there is because you were once there.

I spent my whole day thinking.

I wanted to let natural take its course but I failed once again. Yes, I could control myself better this time but, maybe I'm still me. I guess you can easily predict what I gonna do next easily because I'm always repeating the same circle. I felt the pain again. This pain is never a bit lesser than the previous time, but just getting use to it. I told my dearest friend, you're different this time but you proved me wrong once again. You're never different. You're never going to change. I never had chance to really get you, that was what I thought it was a waste. How I hope I could faster look your true colour and let go but I can't. Remember what you told me when we were strolling round the mega play. You said, "I really don't know how to talk to you.", shoudn't I get the hint since then? Why the hell I went to try all over again to get the same reply? I wanted to text you first when I finish my O level but I guess I'm thinking too highly of myself. My text is never a "something" to you.

-People learn from their mistake but me?

I spent my whole day thinking.

Having my O's now. I screwed up my English, please please let me pass! Gonna work hard for other subjects. :)

People see it as an improvement between us, I see it at first too but I ended up feeling more unsecured. I know, I can never expect anything more from you even though it looks like you are willing to, but the fact is you're always giving my false hopes that I'm so sick of it. I hate bringing my courage again and again just to get all those bad replies from you. Do you know how hurting it was? Remember that day, what you did was so unbelievable and I can't deny I felt happy about it, at the same time, I'm scared of losing it once again. How I hoped it could last forever, how I hoped this won't stop. Every time I ended it, I felt so pain but I have to because I want to walk further with you. I have to control myself, so that I can still have you as a friend. I've thought a lot this few days, "we don't suit each other.", its a fact. I shouldn't be wasting time on you but my conclusion is, let me be, I can't stop myself.

I spent my whole day thinking.

It have been one year or so and I've still not get out. Remember when all these just started, I was unclear about what's going on. Now, I seems to get a better idea, in fact, I got the whole picture. You once said you read my blog, I hope you're still. I hope there's still some connections between us although I know I'm dreaming. Remember how I attempt to end all these, it was like the most tragic thing in my life. I knew I'll turn back but I thought I should take a break. Now, I'm back again. I've learned control myself better this time after getting so many times of rejects, left out. Nobody encourages me, nobody thinks I'm right. I'm like an idiot who's going to make the same mistake again. I'm going to walk into this familiar place and ended up crying when I come out. I know all these will happen but I can't stop myself from commiting this mistake. I know I can't lie anymore, I know I still care and I always do. I won't expect anything from you anymore but I just wish you had never hate/dislike and you'll never.

I spent my whole day thinking.

Life finally gets back to normal, finally I'm able to concentrate on whatever I'm suppose to concentrate on. :) Today will be the last day of prelims but of course, its never the ending. One more month to go people! Wish me luck! Nah~I guess support is needed more than luck. Haha!

Had some catch up with Mandy on Wednesday. What she told me made me..kind of speechless and guilty. I don't understand what kind of life she's having now, I can't help much but thats not the thing that made me felt guilty. I felt really guilty because as a friend, I dont know she's going through so many things, and I actually grumbled about her so many rejects when I asked her out without knowing her reason. I'm really sorry woman, I promise I'll never again. :) Anyway, talking with her is always..so easy. I can easily say out everything and the most important is, everytime I talk to her I seems to forget everything! I can forget about my tv, my exam and my problems. She's indeed great. Haha! She's the one who make me understand, friendship and indeed last for a lifetime and yes, our friendship will never end here. I'll never forget what she say, "I'm blessed, I know one day someone is going to take away everything from me","I know I'll still have you, if not, I'm really left with nothing." Mandy, you'll always have me. I love you. :) You never know how much you meant.(Nomatter how smart you are)

PS: Fear is still living in me, in fact, its so deep inside that I can't seems to go much further.

This is Mandy! The woman who tell me, "WeiShan, we might not be bestfriend forever but we'll be friends forever" She might forget she say that but, I know she mean it.

I spent my whole day thinking.